Scattered 3am thoughts coming in hot!!!
An energetic college sophomore with big dreams and aspirations fueling up on coffee in the mornings, dancing around campus, and taking naps when at all possible.
Really to sum it up one of the greatest poets to pimp walk this earth wrote this lyric about me:
“You dream big and sleep late you got a lot on your plate.”
-Drake aka Drizzy aka Rihanna’s bf aka don’t fight with him @ cheesecake
(Clearly he didn’t recall I have an 8:30 class because I don’t really know what sleeping in is BUT he was not wrong about me having a lot on my plate-food and events).
I mean really.
College is all about juggling God, school, food, boys, sleep, soccer practice, a social life, more school, and your own laundry.
It’s so easy to be overwhelmed.
So buckle up because I’m laying it all out there.
It’s happening.
Caught up in the hustle of everyday life second semester of freshman year rolled around and…
I struggled.
Not only did I begin to struggle and hide it that winter, but I became self dependent. Not because i don’t have a giant supportive family, or literally 5 million friends..I struggled because I wanted to do what Sierra wanted to do.
I began to live a very self involved life style and hide it to anyone looking that I was struggling.
I was on stage for everyone to see and everyone thought I was perfectly happy, sometimes even me.
I settled.
I didn’t try hard enough.
I didn’t call home enough.
I was mediocre.
I was complacent.
And I was ALL about Sierra.
I caught myself falling out of my relationship with God, because I would be too involved in whatever I was doing at the time.
I, Sierra, was just too busy.
Clear. The. Stage.
Eventually after the 3 months I spent putting the King of Kings on the back burner to my schedule it left me empty.
So I did what needed to be done…
I called my parents.
I called them as soon as i made up my mind that my world would crumble if I didn’t. In tears told them everything.
They cried too.
And then cried out to Jesus.
My old friend who never leaves.
My father.
The Alpha and Omega.
Who is NEVER EVER too good to hear my prayers, because He knows my every struggle already.
And He spoke to me.
He shouted to me.
And teary eyed and broken…I listened through the voice of Jimmy Needham in these lyrics:
“Tell your friends that this is where the party ends
Until you’re broken for your sins, you can’t be social.
Then seek the Lord and wait for what he has in store
And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful.Take a break from all the plans that you have made, and sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.
Beg Him please to open up his mouth and speak, and pray for real upon your knees until they blister.
Shine the light on every corner of your life until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.
Then read the word and put to test the things you’ve heard until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken.
Clear the stage, make some space for the one who deserves it.
Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol. Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze if that’s the measure you must take to crush the idols.”
Update: life is way better when it revolves COMPLETELY around Him.
No longer center stage- just His backup dancer,
-S.D.W
SwaggonerStation 